blog/content/posts/one-more-time-with-feeling.md

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title = "One More Time With Feeling"
date = 2024-10-28T11:42:03-05:00
images = []
tags = ["musings"]
categories = ["generic"]
draft = false
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oh .. hey ... hi ... been a while ... well ... i am trying this blogging thing again ... my blog has been suffering for a while because of several reasons. i guess ... with everything that has happened in the last two years, it just became too much for me to think about and i let it sit and fester ... don't get me wrong ... i have a lot to say ... write ... i just haven't known how best to meter it ... let it out ... or even how much to say ... but ... it's time ... let's recap the last two years, shall we?

early 2023, it became clear that mom and dad couldn't manage alone anymore. i had been talking with mom about finding a nurse-type person to be with them at nights. we'd not quite ironed out the details of payment ... but we were thinking they could live for free, if they contributed to bills and stayed in at nights so that if something were to happen to one of both of them, they would be able to help ... if even to just call someone else for help... an ambulance ... something. next thing i knew ... someone had moved in. a stranger. someone my mom referred to as "a good christian lady". i hadn't met her in any way, i had never heard her name, she came on the recommendation of someone who claims to be a family friend, but who we had never heard about before now. she says she is the daughter of the couple who lived two doors down from mom and dad. i grew up with this couple. i had never heard about them having children ... so this woman ... that was a red flag .. but i ignored it because i wasn't well myself, i wasn't working, i had no money to fly out there to take things in hand, and ... i admit i was just happy someone was looking out for them.

it soon became very obvious that this "good christian lady" was a selfish woman who didn't give a hoot about mom and dad or their welfare. long story short, we suspect that the "daughter" and the "good christian lady" had had designs on the house and land. over a period of time, i came to know that this "daughter" was fighting the couple's family to gain control of their house, land, and finances and was meeting with resistance. she claims she was adopted but that the couple had never finalised that and so she was left to fend for herself legally when they died.

and don't get me wrong, that's not unusual - especially in jamaica - but ... it ***felt*** wrong. 

finaly clue was when a cousin of mine gave this "good christian lady" instructions to ***not*** tell mom about an incident where someone had been trying to steal out of a window. we were worried that knowing about it to make mom more anxious than she already was. "good christian lady" went ahead and told mom anyway ... which started a cardiac event ... when confronted, she told cousin that she "made and adult decision" to tell mom because "she should know" ... but wasn't there to deal with mom's heart attack as a result.

that was kind of a last straw ... from then on, it was all about getting mom and dad proper help and eventually get this woman out of the house.

things went downhil really fast after that. by christmas 2023, they were in full decline mentally ... we had had an understanding that they would be moving into the care of a retirement home run by a woman who had known dad for years. the house had been sold, and they needed to vacate by this year... since the purchaser was a family friend (of sorts) there was no real rush ... but because the dementia was setting in, they both kept forgetting that the house was sold and when i made a payment towards their beds at the home, mom saw the transaction and had another heart attack.... "good christian lady" told us she was going away for the christmas week which meant we had to scramble to find some way to make sure they weren't alone for christmas ...yada yada yada ... mom saw the payment go through, insisted she was **not** leaving "my house", and worked her way up to another heart attack ... and then at the last minute "good christian lady" says she wasn't going anyway ... so all the scrambling and anxiety was pointless ... 

because mom had had this heart attack, cousin took her to the hospital, and dad started threatening to walk to see her - which would have been dangerous... he couldn't be contained, he wouldn't wait for help, he tried to leave several times ... by this time, dad wasn't recognising people, he was unbalanced, ill himself, losing money and keys, forgetting which day it was ... allowing him to walk to the hospital to see mom would have been catastrophic ... besides, mom was clear she didn't want to see him at all.

by march, mom was not talking ... i got a call that i needed to come say goodbye because they didn't think she was going to last much longer ... and so i borrowed money and flew down to see her... she was still alive when i left, but i had had the opportunity to see her and tell her i was ok and that it was ok for her to let go because she didn't have to worry about me anymore ... about 3 days later, she died.

it's been one nonstop hell since last year march ... in that time, my own health has been steadily declining ... which is a post for another day.

i finally laid mom to rest last week friday (the 18th) ... and stopped her pension ... she is sorted. i saw dad on saturday (the 19th) and he didn't recognise me either ... it's done... it's all gone... my home ... my forever home ... it's all gone now. there isn't anything left in jamaica for me. goddess help me ... because if this november 4th (5th?) goes the way i think it will, i may ***need*** to go back ... but ... again ... another post for another day.